First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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