I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
