i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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