I will die if light touches me.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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