I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
