seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize