Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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