Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
