I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize