I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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