Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize