I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
