I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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