i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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