I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize