Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
