2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
