Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
