hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
