the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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