You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
