My nipple is on Facebook.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize