how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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