dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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