whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
