I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
