Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
