need another drink. this is the easiest way
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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