In America we eat man semen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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