So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
