I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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