last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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