So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
