I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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