you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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