cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
