You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
