And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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