omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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