just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
