I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
