id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
