Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
