something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
