i think my mom watched the whole time
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
