Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize