He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
