Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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