We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
as a side note pls kill me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
