You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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