i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
