Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
