I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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