i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
