Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
