Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
