my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
