just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
