i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize