Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize