I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
