I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
