I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
