It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
