i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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