I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
