My Higher Power is John Stamos
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
