i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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