he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
