I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
another moral hangover. fuck.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
