Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize