he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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