So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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