Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
