dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
