also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
