just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
