I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
