And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
