I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
