If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize