We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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