M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
