Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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