I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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