I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
