If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
