I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
