What a fucking waste of an outfit
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
