so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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