I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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