I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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