my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
