Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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