I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
