she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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