My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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