I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need a hoe opinion
go on
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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