God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
