1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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