So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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