there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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